Uh, ‘Internet-Connected Mousetraps’
Written by Dr Klaus L E Kaiser
Some financial gurus claim such “connected” things are soon to become the “new standard” of a “multi-trillion” dollar industry. Just invest now in this or that and, in no time flat, you’ll be able to share in the pie and become rich beyond belief. Even “Sharks” are now trying to feed on little mice (see the screenshot nearby), still I wonder:
What do the Mice think of that?
Rhetorically speaking, do the mice now need i-devices too? Should they invest in “Apps” that would allow them to foil the traps? Aren’t there already enough types of mouse traps that work as designed? Clearly, this is a matter that is critical for the survival of the species and requires a detailed analysis. Calling upon all mice: Beware! Anything overlooked could spell disaster for mouse-kind!
Have you ever had to use some traps to catch “any”-kind, perhaps with less success than hoped for? If yes, hear me out, I have some valuable advice.
Let me begin by stating my (semi)-professional trapping experience that includes a variety of fleet-footed rodents on two continents. For example, I managed to trap a “coat-full” of muskrats in Europe at a time when there was a bounty on them – for good reason, I might add. The bounty was there to reduce a highly destructive overpopulation (of this introduced species) at the time and the pelt was another benefit for the trapper. In addition, I can claim that mice, rats, and other rodents are on my list of achieved trappings. Clearly then, I have some experience in the trapping art.
And now, I’m willing to give you my most secret trapping advice, free of charge:
Don’t forget to “Back-Stop” your Traps!
Traps not only need to be properly baited, they also need to be placed and backstopped correctly. Any trap that’s not secured in a way that would allow it to function as intended will, most likely, be unsuccessful and may get tripped but without catching the intended target. Even a “dumb” mouse can easily move a common mouse trap along a smooth floor and set it off (intentionally or not) and escape its catching-bar. The same holds true for traps intended for other unwanted visitors.
Well, it sounds like such foresight may soon become superfluous. Modern high-tech i-devices (equipped with the right i-phone app) are going to give your uninvited house-guests a run for the money. At least that’s the impression one can get from the idea of “internet-connected mousetraps – the future of pest control” – and who (in his/her right mind) could possibly argue with such “Silicon-Valley” derived progressive thinking?
Silicon Valley Thinking
Please, dear reader, trust the authorities in the Golden State and other Silicon Valley (SV) reps; have they ever made any wrong projections or false promises? Undoubtedly, the “Hydrogen Highway” and other great developments just take a bit longer than originally expected to materialize. Surely, such delays are mere temporary setbacks to a greater future for mankind and the inevitable demise of mouse-kind.
Just be patient, trust the proclamations emanating from high offices and do your duty, please! Besides, who needs any practical experience anymore? Is there anything left that cannot be computed, projected into virtual reality, or otherwise conjured by “Hollywood?”
— That place must be a rodent’s dream.
I reckon that any dumb rodent has left the Golden State a long time ago; however, the smart ones got themselves equipped with “anti-mousetrap” software, of the kind that Uber has been using to foil the authorities, freely available on the rodents’ “darknet.” To learn more of the mysteries of the “darknet” take a cautious perusal of Joel Tope’s article ‘How to Access the Deep Web and Dark Net.‘
Certainly, some dead mice are left in the old movie-prop warehouses, last used in the production of 1950’s era type movies for the silver screen. Perhaps some modern rodents have simply morphed into “virtual reality” beings?
If you believe the Hollywood-promoted new “virtual reality” (VR), anything is possible and those VR creatures could be even more destructive than the real ones. Actual experiences though “may not be as depicted.” For example, a recent test by UPS to demonstrate their new hi-tech drone technology didn’t quite work out as planned. Not to mention the occasional mishaps by driverless racing cars and other “connectivity”-associated problems.
Connectivity is the new Paradigm
It’s all about the right connectivity, you know — or so you ought to. From traffic signals to fridges, from airplanes to mousetraps, connectivity is what makes the new world go around, like racing cars on a loop. Actually, come to think of it, why would anyone even want to watch driverless cars chasing each other on some loop-track in the middle of nowhere? Frankly, I find it more interesting to watch a local predator trying to catch a hapless rodent.
Of course, the internet and the new SV inventions are now supposed to change all that. For only C$ 33.79 (plus shipping and taxes), you can buy a “Professional Electronic Mouse Trap” (batteries not included). If you are really desperate, there are even models that set you back one hundred dollars-plus; they come with “Smart circuit technology that senses mice to trigger a high voltage electronic shock…” For the really well-heeled consumer, there is a (nearly) $ 500 device that promises to be an “Ultrasonic Rodent, Mice, Ant, Spider, Cockroach, Mosquito & Mouse Repellent – Electronic Plug-In Pest Repeller.”
I can already hear the SV rodents laughing – all the way to the bank.