Dear Aunt Climate — a letter from your nephew Wiarton Willie

Written by Dr Klaus L E Kaiser

My Dear Aunt Climate,

First of all, somewhat belatedly, my best wishes for your continued happiness and prosperity in this new year of The Lord, 2017! And when you change your attire with the seasons, from white to brown, to green, and back again to white, please be mindful of and stay within accustomed-to conventions.

Just a fraction of one degree above or below the global mean temperature could cause some folks to become upset.

The Global Mean Temperature

As you know, there have been numerous prognosticators that have predicted your imminent demise, AKA, “going to pot.” Don’t think twice about such vile claims. As you will also know, others think that “pot is the way to go.” Even some governments subscribe to such ideas. So, why not invent some hardy varieties that could grow, for example, on the mountains of Antarctica? After all, haven’t Drs. Gavin Schmidt and his predecessor James Hansen of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies (GISS) been telling us for years now that that place is thawing at a rapid (or even accelerating) rate?

As you know, my Dear Aunt, the early bird gets the worm!  So better get ready to plant some seedlings of the pot variety there (they may require a bit of acclimatisation). My friends in Alaska and Antarctica are ready to do their duty, or to start a little business on the side. You may also want to keep your eyes on the shores of the Arctic, where palm trees could soon sway in the breeze. Therefore, better follow the scouts’ motto and “be prepared.”

Be Prepared

Being prepared is not always easy, especially when you believe GISS disciples and only think “warming.” It may be difficult at times, like right now, when I’m reading of 13 ft. deep ice on the lower River Danube, snow on Crete and in the Sahara, and other wintry weather surprises. Closer to home, from New Mexico to Alaska, many central and western regions of this continent are getting record amounts of precipitation, in higher elevations it’s all snow. For example, much of California has recently been drenched in rain and in Colorado some skiing slopes are closed because of too much of the white stuff.  Perhaps they ought to have invested in snow melting equipment.

My dear Aunt Climate, no need to be ashamed of yourself, just show some compassion.  It’s of no use if some folks are enjoying a mild winter here and others are freezing over there!  Recent reports say that even icebreakers are now stuck in the Arctic, for a few months anyway.

Clearly, you need to consider not only the so-called global mean temperature but the regional variabilities as well. If we are enjoying an unseasonal warm winter here while my friends in Alaska, Europe, and Asia are freezing their buns off, isn’t that unfair?

In short, the world demands more justice from you!

We Need a Just Climate!

Whether you like it or not, you’ve got to get with the times. For example, I mean the incessant news like “last year” was the warmest ever, or the UN’s IPCC and NGO’s calls for “climate action,” or governments’ “climate change strategies,” or PIK’s predictions of a pending “self-immolation.”

My Dear, permit me to be blunt: Either the leading lights of those institutions need to be shown to the door, forthwith, or you need to curtail your funny climate caprioles and make the whole world adhere to a specified temperature!  Actually, the current global mean temperature is said to be 14.8 C. However, few people seem to have any idea what it ought to be for everyone’s satisfaction. The problem with the temperature is that some people find that it is just right, while others find it too cold or too warm.

I know, for many mortals, one degree in temperature does not make much difference. My friends in Alaska tend to shiver and hibernate equally at -40 or -39 C; the difference is marginal. At the same time the penguins in Antarctica may think it’s a tad warm right now. That is why the climate Agreement concluded at Paris (2015) is flawed, right up front. It does not provide exact numbers, just vague terms of “more than” or “less than,” without specifying “than WHAT, WHERE and WHEN, exactly?”

Good News

But, Dear Aunty, I have some good news as well.  You may be spared having to come up with some defensible global optimum temperature number altogether.

As you may know, there was recently an election, in the USA. And, to some people’s great surprise (and consternation), the political winds have waxed or waned (depending on your point of view). But one thing is for certain, some of the old ways of thinking are falling by the wayside. For example, the CO2-warming-story-pitches no longer get the front page head-lines.

Some of the mainstream media (MSM) still have difficulties shaking off the old habits. They still cling to past pronouncements of the then president and its senior staff about the great climate threat. Let me tell you: No need to worry about it any longer; it won’t be long before the MSM will have forgotten their names or how to spell them; oh well, c’est la vie.

Speaking of changing times, indeed, times are changing in a hurry. What took the previous holder of the office seven years or so, just to eventually turn it down, took the new man in the same chair just a couple of days to approve. This current speed of changes can make your head spin. Clearly, the MSM need to wake up in a hurry to the new realities and the expected avalanche of changes that are “coming down the pipeline.”

Dear Aunty, I hope you don’t change in such a hurry. It takes a while to adjust the indoor temperature settings, to finish the snow shoveling and getting used to lawn raking routines, and all the other chores around this place. Not to mention the new development of “time crystals” that may just change everything between yesterday and tomorrow.

With mid-winter, i.e. February 2, also known as Groundhog Day approaching rapidly, let me wish you another year of good luck and fortitude (please, just take it easy…).

May you prosper and enjoy the seasons!

Your nephew,

Wiarton Willie

p.s.:  Cousin Phil from Punxsutawny sends you his greetings too!

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Note: According to Wikipedia, Wiarton Willie was a Canadian groundhog who lived in the community of Wiarton in Bruce County, Ontario. Every February 2, on Groundhog Day, Willie took part in the local Wiarton Willie Festival

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Another note: Thanks to Dr. Klaus L.E. Kaiser for forwarding this letter to me.

Dr Klaus L E KaiserDr. Kaiser is a professional scientist with a Ph.D. in chemistry from the Technical University, Munich, Germany. He has worked as a research scientist and project chief at Environment Canada‘s Canada Centre for Inland Waters for over 30 years and is currently Director of Research at TerraBase Inc. He is author of nearly 300 publications in scientific journals, government and agency reports, books, computer programs, trade magazines, and newspaper articles.

Dr. Kaiser has been president of the International Association for Great Lakes Research, a peer reviewer of numerous scientific papers for several journals, Editor-in-Chief of the Water Quality Research Journal of Canada for nearly a decade, and an adjunct professor. He has contributed to a variety of scientific projects and reports and has made many presentations at national and international conferences.

Dr. Kaiser is author of CONVENIENT MYTHS, the green revolution – perceptions, politics, and facts
convenientmyths.com

Dr. Kaiser can be reached at: mail@convenientmyths.com