CO2 Silliness: An Invasion is Coming

Written by Dr Klaus L E Kaiser

You may have noticed in recent news headlines, one company “here” is getting sued by the government “there” for multi-billions and another company “there” is getting sued for similar billions by the government “here.”

Is it just a coincidence or something of a “tit-for-tat” game? Frankly, I’m not sure. Perhaps each side has some legitimate reasons to complain.


There is one thing for sure though: in the end, the consumer is going to pay more. Any individual that may have been wronged by one or the other is rarely going to see any re-compensation for any loss sustained. The governments – both here and there – are going to make sure of that. After all they are in the business of protecting you and, so they argue, any fine is due to them – not you.

And the legal profession is doing just fine (pun strictly incidental) with suing here from there and there from here. It’s a sort of “Merry-Go-Round” that appears to be getting bigger by the day, and everything appears to be fair game, from phones to cars to washing machines, and so on.

Have you been attacked by your washing machine lately? No? Too bad. Some “pro bono” outfit could really use a case like that to start another class action suit that may shake up the world.  If they succeeded, even with lengthy delays, counter suits, appeals and whatever, you may actually get a few morsels in a couple of decades or so. The real money though goes into other pockets; you know what I mean.

But it shouldn’t take too long now and you can leave it all behind (perhaps as soon as by 2023) to emigrate and settle on Mars.

Let’s move to Mars

The news is swirling with projections of the tranquil life that may await you there, where best to settle, including a description of “How would sex work in space? It’s more complicated than you might think,” and so forth. Even with (or because of, ?) plenty of musky fragrance in the space ship’s air, it could be a bumpy ride; choreographers are still working out the details. Rest assured though, you’ll be well instructed when it comes to enter the SpaceX rocket for your 80-day one-way trip. Please also note, this is not just going to be a pleasure trip. It’s been said that you will be in the forefront of saving mankind.

Inside the Gale Crater on Mars, as seen by the Curiosity rover (Credit: NASA).

History books will mention you henceforth with your personal biography in Wikipedia, etc.  The real benefit though will be with the electronic social media. You’ll get not just millions but billions of new friends and followers, all tuned in to your every second of your expedition, every breath you take, and all the rest. Does that idea not make your heart race and your fingers twitch?

And don’t be afraid of the costs either. Presumably, they’ll be covered by the aforementioned fines and numerous other government, industry, and ad-agencies’ subventions, grants, tax benefits, promises and other goodies. After all, you’ll be among the vanguard of earthlings colonizing not just Mars, but the rest of the universe, at least the part nearby. So, Martians beware, an invasion is coming! Earthlings are going to claim their spot, even in the face of great obstacles.

The difficulty will be to decide on where to settle down on Mars, in the broken rocks or the sand dunes. Both offer great views but neither one will offer much (or any) water to quench your thirst. With 99.99+% of the Martian atmosphere consisting of anything but water molecules, the claimed water/water-ice  reservoirs appear to be out of reach or non-existing. In fact, the Martian polar ”ice-caps” are made up of dry-ice (solid carbon dioxide, or CO2), NOT water-ice that one finds at the poles of mothership Earth; let that be a guide to you.

Carbon dioxide, or CO2

By the way, some 95% of the atmosphere of Mars is said to be comprised of that so-called greenhouse gas, CO2, that has been claimed by some scientists (and politicians) to drive this planet’s temperature to record highs. You might be forgiven to think, therefore, that the “air” temperatures on Mars would be extremely hot. Nothing to fear though, despite that CO2 level being over 2,000 times higher on Mars than on Earth, the claimed effect of CO2 on temperature appears to exist on earth only. The day-time temperatures on the surface of Mars are quite comparable to that here (around 50 F). The nights though are a bit colder on Mars at MINUS 110 F, or so.

That observation alone ought to set you on the right path forward, i.e. Cap &Trade, is an absolute Must!

Clearly then, upon arrival on the Red Planet, one of your first tasks must be to properly educate the Martians about the dangers of climate change from all that carbon dioxide in their atmosphere. Cap[ping] of CO2 (not just in Martian polar dry-ice caps) and Trade of the “carbon menace,” preferably with other inter-galactic communities must become an important cornerstone of their future wellbeing.

Obviously, without a solution to that CO2 problem on Mars, the Martians may just have to vacate their own planet and move on to a more hospitable place themselves.


About The Author

Dr. Klaus L.E. Kaiser is a professional scientist with a Ph.D. in chemistry from the Technical University, Munich, Germany. He has worked as a research scientist and project chief at Environment Canada‘s Canada Centre for Inland Waters for over 30 years and is currently Director of Research at TerraBase Inc. He is author of nearly 300 publications in scientific journals, government and agency reports, books, computer programs, trade magazines, and newspaper articles. Dr. Kaiser has been president of the International Association for Great Lakes Research, a peer reviewer of numerous scientific papers for several journals, Editor-in-Chief of the Water Quality Research Journal of Canada for nearly a decade, and an adjunct professor. He has contributed to a variety of scientific projects and reports and has made many presentations at national and international conferences.